Could You Beat This 81 Year Old Granny's Time In The Beer Mile?

San Anton - A Texas grandmother who became the oldest person to complete an annual beer mile contest says she would’ve run faster if she’d been drinking scotch. Elvira “Vera” Montes, an 81-year-old woman from El Paso, beat her 47-year-old daughter Renee Reynolds’ time in the 2015 FloTrack Beer Mile World Championships in Austin on Dec. 1, The El Paso Times reported. Montes finished at 20 minutes and 24.62 seconds, the newspaper reported. Reynolds came in just behind at 21 minutes and 15.67 seconds. Montes’ son-in-law didn’t finish. “I’m not a big beer drinker,” Montes told the El Paso Times. “I like beer when the weather is real hot and there’s nothing else to drink. I’m really a scotch drinker, Chivas if it’s available. If it was scotch we were drinking instead of beer, I would have run a lot faster.” To complete a beer mile, runners must chug a beer before the start of the race then down a beer after each quarter mile. Puking means failure and disqualification. “I don’t have any secrets, I just wanted to prove to my daughter that I could run and drink beer,” Montes told the magazine.

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Honest question for you degenerates- could you beat 81 year old Elvira in the beer mile? 4 laps around a track, have to chug a beer before each lap. She finished in 20 minutes and 24.62 seconds. Honest to goodness, I have zero clue if I could beat her. Most days I check my phone for my step number and it might as well be in the single digits. I go bed->downstairs to my desk->kitchen->desk and sit there until around 7 when I then transition to the couch to watch hockey or hoops or the like. Rinse, repeat. It’s like Groundhog Day. The only time it’s different is when I go out and eat and drink. So the only time I’m not sitting at home is when I’m sitting somewhere else being unhealthy. So I say all that to say I have no clue if I can beat an 81 year old woman in a beer mile. I’d like to think I could. I want to say I still have a shred of athleticism left from high school. But blogger life takes a toll on you. Oh yea I play hockey once a week now and after my first shift I don’t catch my breath for the next 2 days. 20 minutes and 24 seconds. Can you do it?

PS: Light beer isn’t allowed and neither is shotgunning. Has to be a normal beer. Makes it so much tougher.

PS: Would.